WHY are dog owners obsessed with watching their dogs poop?

Well. For those of you who want to know, lemme tell you why.

But first, lemme state that I'm a cat person. Not because I don't like dogs, I love them, actually, but dogs are social and needy. Cats are assholes and not needy (unless they want food or to lay on some part of you, or your clothes, papers, books, tableware, folders, make-up... etc.). That works for me because I don't want to be needed.


But dogs? Omg, dogs NEED their owners! They need to be let outside, or else they'll have "an accident." They need to run and play outside as well, or they'll tear the shit out of your rugs, couches, and wood floors, even with a fresh nail trim. Dogs need to be bathed, and doggies need to play often or they get depressed and mope around the house. But guess what? Dogs don't wanna play by themselves... they want YOU to play with them. I'm borderline incompetent in managing my children, husband, school, house, work, and self-needs (and sometimes a cat need here and there, the food dish, once a day, and scooping poop, you know...) let alone playing with a dog. The damn, poor dawg.

Dogs have owners.

Cats have staff.

But bitching aside. Of course, I play with the dog and teach her things and praise her for being a good girl, which she is most of the time. I give her treats for doing what she's supposed to do and constantly encourage her to eat the food in her dish because she is picky and does not like to eat it without "specials" added to it. Let me clarify: she is a picky dog food eater, but eater of everything else.

And there it is. THAT, my friend who wanted to know why dog owners are obsessed with watching their dogs poop, is WHY. Fuckin' dawgs eat everything!!

My dog will eat every piece of paper she can get her snout on. She will eat dirty socks and underwear in seconds flat, yogurt containers, sticks/twigs, vocera badges, toothbrushes, ink pens, sharpies, highlighters, pharmacology books, flip-flops, baby toys, baby socks, bobby pins, hair clips/ties, rugs, towels, paper towels, washcloths, lotion bottles (with lotion still in them), marijuana blunts that have been carelessly dropped in our yard by a handy-man-helper, pop cans, beer cans, dishwasher tabs, twist-ties, plastic flower pots, hostas, ROCKS, bottle caps, catnip, cat toys, CAT POOP, tampons, used q-tips, her very own blankie, and again, with encouragement, occasionally her food.

Ok. So I have spent the past year digging items out of the power jaws of some sort of lab-mix. Her canines are huge and beautiful, but they do not crush everything all of the time (rocks, bottle-caps, etc.). Occasionally she'll end up with an episode of damn-dawg diarrhea because, I assume, she is either partially intestinally blocked or she had too much garbage (table scraps, she actually stays out of the trash, she's incredible that way, but whatever is on the floor or in the yard is free game!).

But here's why I REALLY watch my dog poop: She's a blankie-eater. She eats her blankie. He very own, huge blankie that she drags around the house, wraps around chair and table legs, acquiring many items on the journey. Her beautiful, fresh, large teeth can not chomp up Blankie near enough and when she has Blankie, lately especially, I have to watch her. I never know if she's gonna snuggle or chew.

And when it's time for poopie? I never bothered to notice the condition of her poops until she came running back into the house (this one time) with shredded poopie Blankie hanging out of her ass. She ran into the house and dragged her butt across my rug, of course, trying to dislodge poopie-blankie shreds. Sheeesh. I recruited hubby to finish this up for her, but how relieved I was that she actually passed the damn Blankie! Ugh!

So, I watch my dog poop, especially if I have busted her chewing on a no-no because I need to know if the inevitable diarrhea is a precursor to a blockage, or if eventually, a dangler is gonna smear up my rug. It's that simple.

Sorry not sorry that a dog owner's obsession with watching their dog poop isn't any more complex than that.

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