Am I Spitefully Sexist?


Strangely enough, I asked myself this, just this evening, as I was snuggling myself into sleep.

Now I am awake. I’m not completely sure why tonight (of all nights) I have become “sleepless” over this question.

Am I spiteful? Am I sexist? Are there implications for being so? Especially for a female?


You see, I live among a generation that believes (at least partially) in the supremacy of the male gender, and also believes in the strict honor of female weakness. Additionally, I was raised by a generation that quoted the Bible in terms of women and their value. For example, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak… And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home.” 1 Timothy 2:13-15

WTF. ?  Hm.

EARLY RECORDED MAN lived by a standard of which has been detailed in many Bible writings. They lived in a time of great political and religious upheaval, along with violent repression and oppression. The dudes who contributed to the writings of the Holy Book sell short the entirety of a higher power (God) by trying to harness the vastness in terms of writing and /or storytelling. And clearly, some of those guys didn’t like women.

Hm again.

So I’m not buying all parts of the Bible. No, and mostly because the Bible is the word of MAN, not God. God, as I see it, cannot be expressed and comprehended on a human level. Nature is as close as humans can come to understanding the enormity of God and existence. I know, I know… there are many who will argue with me, condemn me, and likely pray for my redemption. There’s no need and please don’t. That’s not what this post is about.

How does any of this have to do with me being sexist? It doesn’t really, all that only establishes my take on the old-fashioned view of women and how society has come to believe the way that they do.

Moving on.

Long ago, when I was a wee, bratty, chubby, little one, I noticed one thing in particular and inquired to my grandmother:

“Grandma, why are the girl birds not as pretty as the boy birds?”

At that point, in my youthful, Wonder Woman obsessed little life, I had only witnessed the real world on television. The Dukes of Hazard, with sexy Daisy, Wonder Woman with the amazing Linda Carter and her fabulous boots, and Gilligan’s Island, with the powerful, glamorous Ginger. Women were meant to be beautiful and captivating, right?

Oh, but my slim, red-headed grandma responded to my question with truth and love, she said:

“Tweetie Bird, the girl bird lays the eggs and watches over them. If she has bright colors like her husband, she will be found while sitting on the eggs by other birds that want to steal her eggs. She must stay in disguise to protect them. The husband-bird will go out and gather food or nest materials. However, he is working just the same and the more beautiful he is, the more other boy birds will fear him and all that is his.”

Her explanation made sense to me, even scientifically, at the time. However, I felt sad that a female bird worked so hard to lay eggs, care for the eggs, and then care for the babies and for what? She doesn’t even get to look pretty.

I don’t feel sad about that anymore, of course. I see it now for what it is. It’s nature and the momma bird could care less about her dull feathers. People do, though.

People harshly judge others that have dull feathers. 

So why am I wondering, in the middle of the night, if I am sexist?

When I am angry at my husband, I will tell him I think that he is sexist. I believe this because his ideas often default to the female doing the typical retro-wife-thing: looking beautiful all day long while I scrub the damn house, cooking and baking the damn food, running asses off after kids (in high heels, probably), and dreaming of ways to be a better damn wife (my words, of course, not his). Additionally, when I am angry at him, I believe that he would prefer that I am mindless, kinda like a Stepford Wives-type scenario. He denies that, of course. But think about it, who wouldn’t want every whim and need to be met without question? At least for a little while?

Am I spitefully sexist??

I don’t know, but I do have some complaints. However, many of these points span across both genders, so please note, this post is not directed at any ONE MALE (no whining):

  • Most men think women cannot drive  (“What are you waiting for?” or “Geeeessseee, on your way to a fire?” or “Geeeeesseee, you missed a bump back there, wanna go back and get it?”)
  • Most men cannot acknowledge their own bad behavior or faults; they consider themselves blameless (“I cheated because she got fat and bitchy” or “I cheated because she cheated first.”)
  • Most men are suckers and easily manipulated by beauty and will totally throw their sig other under the bus to continue receiving attention from beauty (“What was I supposed to do, throw her off my lap?”)
  • Most men cannot load a dishwasher properly (“Oh, the spatula wasn’t in the way of the arm when I started it.”)
  • Most men snore, keeping their significant other awake for large portions of the night (“Geeeeeesssse… all I asked was where’s the milk and you have to get all hyper and bitchy for no reason.”)
  • Most men cannot find the milk in the fridge to save their life.

And mostly:

  • Most men expect sex from their significant other like it’s their right (“You used to want to have sex all the time, now you don’t. You must have somebody else.” or “You’ve taken sex away from me, what will you take next?”)


But really, I wish for the world to accept that men and women are two halves of a whole, and no one is any better than the other. What most men cannot do, most women can. What most women cannot do, most men can.

No, I don’t think that men are idiots just because they’re men. I guess if I did think that, THAT would qualify me as sexist. I believe people, including men, choose their behavior.

No, I don’t believe that men should hold doors for women, however, I DO feel that people should hold doors for people.

No, I don’t believe that ONLY men should be police officers or firemen. However, I WILL say that I believe men, on the average, are physically stronger than women. Of course, there are exceptions, as always, and I have actually seen some bad-ass women cops. Regardless, men, in general, are physically stronger than women and usually taller, too.

And on and on I could go,  but it’s time to publish this post as it unexpectedly got too deep.

In short, I don’t think that it is necessarily sexist that I am, but more so a realist and equalist. Yeah, and humble-ist. I have no problem owning what I can and cannot do, at least not so much anymore. I have pride, of course, but I also do not have too much of it (anymore) and have become fluent in admitting defeat.

Ok. Good. So I’m likely not sexist. But I am spiteful, sometimes.

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